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The Helpless Gobshite Episode! A Defence of Men – Episode 76

In this free-roaming episode, Dara attempts to thread the needle from poor mental health to perceived male incompetence and on to a celebration of non-toxic men.

The launch pad is an account of some very recent mental health challenges that Dara had to face. As part of his recovery he listened to some psychology and counselling podcasts which, though very helpful and informative, perpetuated a certain idea of infantilised masculinity that Dara felt didn’t reflect his experience of men. He talks about the male friends in his life and how they represent a powerful counter-narrative to lazy stereotypes of male immaturity and toxic masculinity.

He also looks at certain equally lazy stereotypes that some men have about women and explains why he hates the phrase ‘happy wife, happy life’ so much. He believes, amongst other things, it contributes to the characterisation of men as ‘manchild doofuses’ or ‘helpless gobshites’ – iterations of masculinity that Dara is determined to challenge.

He concludes with the question of whether we can be of value to people who don’t know us. This line of enquiry was prompted by a participant in one of Dara’s Holistic Self-Defence classes who confessed to wanting to be liked and struggling badly with setting boundaries. Where do we locate our sense of value?

Dr. Abby Medcalf relationship podcast about what (hetero) women need to know about men, with special guest Shana James:

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