psychology

Games, Conditions, and Invisible Cruelties – Love According to Laing – Episode 244

In this episode, Dara is considering Scottish psychiatrist R.D. Laing’s proposition that “love is a cover for violence”. Informed by Game Theory and the work he did with twelve female schizophrenic patients in the 1960s, Laing came to believe the manipulative interpersonal dynamics that were playing out behind closed doors were effectively driving the Glasgow housewives mad. However, Laing concluded that the madness was a form of self-defence and arguably the only sane response to the oppressive nature of what the women were experiencing.

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Listen, Think, Talk – The Deeper Connection Toolkit – Episode 243

In this episode, Dara is leaning into the power of conversation as a means cultivating deeper thought and connection, both with others and with the self. Bumping up against parts of ourselves we would rather weren’t there at all, he argues for a radical humility that completely removes the ego from the equation. Aren’t we much better equipped to assess ourselves if we can do so without the burden of ego and its expectations?

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Roses, Tears, and Paying for Lunch – a Multi-Millionaire’s Masculinity Hack! – Episode 231

In this episode, Dara has thoughts on December coming round so quickly and the accompanying temptation to collapse in a heap. Does the festive season differ in any significant way from the rest of the year? Christmas really did used to be something special and genuinely indulgent – but does that still land when the rest of the year seems to involve frequent indulgence too?

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Flipping the Script and Messing with Expectations – Episode 230

In this episode, Dara considers the power of defying expectations. Partly prompted by a conversation with his dementia-affected father, his thoughts are also informed by a New York psychologist who worked with first responders to World Trade Center attacks. Role-reversal can be both destabilising and disarming, but it rarely goes unnoticed, and it often provokes both consternation and resentment.

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The Wisdom of Humanising the Enemy – Episode 225

In this episode, Dara is wondering who the enemy is. Finding himself symbolically shaking his fist at the clouds, he tries to work out who exactly he was angry with, and why. His wife used Jedi mind powers to flip the script which only stoked his fire further. The two choices available to him were obvious, and one was certainly not going to end well…

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I Am Not my Thoughts and Emotions! Or Maybe That’s All I Am? – Episode 211

In this episode, Dara picks up a point from last week and wonders if we can simultaneously be and not be our thoughts and emotions. He asks of what use our emotions are to others. Are we just being self-indulgent when we unload on others or is there room for more self-regulation? He also offers a way into better understanding relational estrangements and resentments.

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This Is Not a Performance (It’s My Life!) – Episode 202

A hiatus imposed on Dara by life’s steamroller has reminded him how non-performative the podcast continues to be. He reflects on the circumstances that rendered him incapable of recording over the last few weeks and reiterates his conviction that being judiciously transparent is of more use to his listeners, and to him, than jazz hands and soft shoe shuffles.

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New Year’s Inventory – Clearing Out the Stockroom! – Episode 188

In this episode, Dara is reflecting on the year that was and acknowledging the tendency many have to do New Year’s accounting. For him it is not only the start of a new year, but also his birthday – another prompt to do a stocktake. 2024 wasn’t kind, and as he looks down the road of 2025 he wonders what tools are going to serve him best.

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The Humble Art of Reading the Room, or It’s Not All About You! – Episode 181

In this episode, Dara shares final thoughts on the US presidential election and speculates that the Democrats still haven’t shaken the patronising habit of belittling those who disagree with them. He argues that if you take this attitude in the world of martial arts, you are setting yourself up to fail – the assumption of superiority is a dangerous flex of ego that can result in complacency and abdicated diligence.

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